Love Day Gift Guide {For Her}

Happy Monday! It was a crazy weekend filled with lots of catching up with friends. I was in and out of my apartment a lot and when I set the pre-vday flowers I received on the coffee table it completely blew past me that the magazine and books were similarly themed. I guess the universe is just trying to shove Valentine's Day in my face. Normally a neutral girl, the extra pop of pink does add a little fun to my apartment.

I really love how Valentine's day has morphed into this giant love fest. I don't really think it's dreaded that much anymore. To be honest, the past few years I've been sad I had BF plans and couldn't spend it drinking champagne, eating chocolate and watching RHWOXYZ with my girlfriends.  Whether your celebrating with your galentines or valentines, here are some of my picks for little love day luxuries.

Champagne Glass Pajama Set

Diptyque Rosaviola Scented Candle

Le Pilage St Valentine Cosmetics Case

David Yurman Venetian Quatrefoil Ruby Ring

Charbonnel et Walker Champagne Celebration Hamper

Saint Laurent Small Monogram Wallet on a Chain

Fleur Du Mal Rose Lace Demi-Bra

Appointment Dating

One of the things I disliked about my last relationship was the lack of spontaneity. Yes, I just said that out loud. Ms. OCD-Type A just said she needed some spontaneity I think it is more natural when you first start out, seeing each other once a week or so requires some a head of time "When are you available next week?", but how much of that should exist as you develop a relationship and have spent a year committed to each other? That was all we ever did and it did not feel natural. Yes it went from once a week, to 3 times a week, but we very rarely saw each other unless there was an appointment and dinner reservations.

As I've started dating a little more seriously, I'm noticing that I'm still dating like that and find myself thinking about where the natural transition between "I'll see you next Thursday at 7pm for Dinner" and "Hey, my friends and I are grabbing drinks after work, want to join?" or the even more intimate "What are you doing now?" happens. On top of that, who should start it? Should you wait for a guy to feel comfortable enough with you to open your relationship up to that possibility or just go with what feels good for you?

Any one have thoughts on this and how you've handled it in your relationships?

Wedding Wednesday!

How cute is this couple, this wedding and this video?

When I saw their  post on Style Me Pretty, although a little rustic, the photos made it look so magical!  I was so excited to see they had posted a video too and instantly fell in love.

Emily + Dan from Tower Films on Vimeo.

A Note on Love and Other Struggles

I started this post a week or so ago with the thought of referencing this Thought Catalog entry about the difference between a husband and a boyfriend. The death of Robin Williams, an actor and comedian that had such an impact on my childhood and life, has only put it in deeper perspective and motivated me to finish it up.

I mentioned in my end of year post that 2013 was the year of LOVE. I felt a lot of of love from my friends and got a whole new perspective on what it really means to love people. I don't know if it was fairy tales or the way I grew up, but I've always viewed love as somewhat of a selfish act. Saying someone/something is so important to you and your life that I guess one almost looses themselves in the person they 'love'. Almost as if the person you 'loved' belonged to you (and vice versus) and if you found a person who agreed to belong to you that was 'true love'.  With that view this 'love' everyone talked about was exhausting, self consuming and often left me feeling really alone and confused when I was trying to figure out how you can love someone who 'hurts' you. Feelings wise I mean, it left me really angry and defensive. I'm not just talking about relationships either, friendships were in this category. Long story short, if you weren't my best friend you were dirt to me. If you weren't 110% with me, on the same page, you were against me.

There was a point this spring, literally overnight, where this view changed for me. I had one of those "if they loved me how could they even think about doing this to me!" moments that you see in movies. As much as I wanted to push this into the 'dirt' category, there was just something about that couldn't. That would mean that every beautiful, happy, loving moment was dirt and I knew, in my soul, that that wasn't the case. It wasn't black, it wasn't white and bottom line it wasn't about ME. It was about this person. This person that I loved, this person that I knew, at the very least cared about me on some level. So how can a person who cares do something hurtful?  It's not because they hate you, its not because they're not your friend, its because they don't know how to process, like myself at times and like so many humans. In that moment I was filled with so much care and love and concern, but at the same time understood that I didn't have the mental or emotional capacity to put myself through that treatment. Thats when I realized what it meant to love. To understand and respect the struggle of being a human, but to be able to respect your own boundaries. To keep your heart open, but protect yourself.
I was so incredibly surprised when I was so filled with this new love and I just had to get it out, that through shaking and tears face one of my deepest fears and came out 'okay'. A few months prior, had I done what I did I would have 100% regretted it. I sat there, looking at my therapist, and was so weirded out how 'okay' I felt. I was fine. She just looked at me and said "when you do something out of love you don't regret, no matter the outcome."

I think the last paragraph in that Thought Catalog post sums it up:

The Guy You Marry: The guy you have fun with, but also cry with, laugh with, fight with, love with, and will be with for the rest of your life. You have feelings for him, but you are not with him solely because of your emotions. You are with him because you will love him apart from how tired, depressed, or angry you feel. He understands that loving you denotes sacrificing his time, energy, and other aspirations, and is still more than willing to make the commitment. He loves you not with a selfish or envious love, but with a patient, enduring, humble, faithful and selfless one. 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. It does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.” -1 Corinthians 13:4-7

I've been wanting a white tattoo for a few years now and in this moment I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted an everyday reminded to keep my heart open, to do all things in 'Love'. 1 Corinthians has been a running theme in my life and I knew I just had to do the simple, white, open heart.

                                     

Not to say that Robin Williams wasn't loved, or did hurtful things, but it just strikes the chord of that, everyone is fighting their own battle. Their dealing with their own demons and struggles and actions are based on that. The ones that hurt the most often need the most love.  So keep your heart open. Keep loving. "There are a lot of amazing people out there to be grateful for. Thats what life is about"


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Wedding Wednesday {aka have you cried today?}

I'm definitely a traditional vows kind of girl, but I think there are couples that the write-your-own works amazingly for. If you have an energy and are clear on your feelings, it really helps to make your wedding 'your wedding'.  A couple at a a wedding that I went to this summer did this, it was the first wedding I'd been too where they wrote their own vows and it was absolutely magical. You could feel their love for each other and energy everywhere. There was not a dry eye in the house.
Whitney and Brian's Video brought this all back to me. You can feel their love and the love everyone deserves to have.




Whitney + Brian | McCall, Idaho wedding film from Sarah Pendergraft on Vimeo.

Relationship Rules

Another one of the life events that unfolded in the early part of this month was that the BF and I decided to take some space from each other to think about the relationship. I've been working pretty hard on myself the last few years, figuring out how I work etc. Like we all do in our twenties.  Entering into my first serious relationship in the last year, has had an impact on my work and vice versus. In addition to myself getting in the way, I've been trying to figure out where and how I want a relationship to fit into my life. I've made some great strides over our 'break' and will spare you the details. However, I saw this post by Whitney at I Wore Yoga Pants to Work I follow and could not agree more.  

The things that make my relationship whole aren't necessarily going to be the things that make my best friend's relationship work, just as the things that keep my parents' marriage growing aren't necessarily going to be the things that keep someone else's marriage growing.

I think it good to remind ourselves that too, that sometimes a relationship isn't about what 'should' be because it 'should' be about what just is.

2013 in Review

Um do I really need to say it? 2013 FLEW BY. Like. A. Speed. Train. It was filled with a lot of learning, loving, wine tasting apparently and embracing life. I guess if I had to pick 1 word to describe it would be LOVE.

I was gone the first half the year being  swept up by the heat of film production...and meeting a boy. We had a few ups and downs but it's hard to believe that it's almost a year since he came up to me at the bar I was at for my Birthday Party and asked if I wanted a drink. You might remember me mentioning how scared I was to host a birthday party out here, as most of the people I considered (mentally) my friends are still in the Midwest. As stupid as it sounds, I was completely surprised how many people actually showed up. So many people that, in the back of my mind I loved, also loved me back.

I also went to 4 weddings this year! Long time friends and short time friends there was a lot of celebrating the love of 2 people and each other.  2013 was one giant Love Fest in my head and this Flipagram is my ode to it!

Wednesday Wisdom

I saw this on Pinterest and it really hit home for me. It's something I've been working on and really helps when looking at the blessings in your life. I highly suggest taking this online quiz {and encouraging family, friends, co-workers, significant others etc} to as well. It really helps you understand each other better, and the was we express/receive love and appreciate best. Especially with the holiday's approaching and spending time with people you love, but don't always see eye-to-eye with!!

Monday Inspiration

I saw this a while back and thought it was a beautiful explanation of the hardest, but most meaningful kind of love: unconditional.

For love to be unconditional, by definition it must be difficult. 

The purest acts of love are the ones in which we rise above the most selfish aspects of our nature to care for someone. 

True love isn’t just something that feels good. It is a responsibility.

- Daily Kaballah

Letters of Note

 In the days on a 50% chance of marriages failing I can't help but want to post this everywhere. One of my favorite blogs is Letters of Note. Shaun Usher, the blogger, collects old-school, snail mail letters (one of my favorites) and publishes them. They don't necessarily have to be from anyone particularly special, but his post yesterday was from one of my most favorite people. President Reagan (Governor of California at the time) offers some amazing marriage advice to his son.

Michael Reagan
Manhattan Beach, California
June 1971

Dear Mike:

Enclosed is the item I mentioned (with which goes a torn up IOU). I could stop here but I won't.

You've heard all the jokes that have been rousted around by all the "unhappy marrieds" and cynics. Now, in case no one has suggested it, there is another viewpoint. You have entered into the most meaningful relationship there is in all human life. It can be whatever you decide to make it.

Some men feel their masculinity can only be proven if they play out in their own life all the locker-room stories, smugly confident that what a wife doesn't know won't hurt her. The truth is, somehow, way down inside, without her ever finding lipstick on the collar or catching a man in the flimsy excuse of where he was till three A.M., a wife does know, and with that knowing, some of the magic of this relationship disappears. There are more men griping about marriage who kicked the whole thing away themselves than there can ever be wives deserving of blame. There is an old law of physics that you can only get out of a thing as much as you put in it. The man who puts into the marriage only half of what he owns will get that out. Sure, there will be moments when you will see someone or think back to an earlier time and you will be challenged to see if you can still make the grade, but let me tell you how really great is the challenge of proving your masculinity and charm with one woman for the rest of your life. Any man can find a twerp here and there who will go along with cheating, and it doesn't take all that much manhood. It does take quite a man to remain attractive and to be loved by a woman who has heard him snore, seen him unshaven, tended him while he was sick and washed his dirty underwear. Do that and keep her still feeling a warm glow and you will know some very beautiful music. If you truly love a girl, you shouldn't ever want her to feel, when she sees you greet a secretary or a girl you both know, that humiliation of wondering if she was someone who caused you to be late coming home, nor should you want any other woman to be able to meet your wife and know she was smiling behind her eyes as she looked at her, the woman you love, remembering this was the woman you rejected even momentarily for her favors.

Mike, you know better than many what an unhappy home is and what it can do to others. Now you have a chance to make it come out the way it should. There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.

Love,

Dad

P.S. You'll never get in trouble if you say "I love you" at least once a day.

Sources: Letters of Note, Photo: Life Photo Archive